Realistic Travel Speed

I do six-mile hexes and the party should average 3 a day. What about you?

Steeplejack

This is my Marvel Superheroes FASERIP character. I rendered his costume in City of Heroes. He broke his hand when he was fighting a giant robot named Babbage.

Here is the character sheet (.pdf) and here it is as a .doc.

It would be fun and probably pretty easy to make him up in Mayfair DC and Champions, but I haven't done so.

He also has a Golden Age costume: 

The Deadly Sardonian

This article originally appeared July 17, 2017.

I was reading the dictionary today (don't judge me) and came upon the word Sardonic.

Sardonic means "Characterized by bitter or scornful derision; mocking; cynical; sneering."

A good word!  And one that about half of English speakers know.

It originated between 1630 and 1640.  It's from a Middle English word sardonian influenced by the French word sardonique, which in turn comes from the Latin sardonius, which they borrowed from the Greek sardonios.

But what is Sardonios?  Well, it appears to be a plant which when eaten produced convulsive laughter ending in death!

THIS IS TOTALLY SOMETHING THAT SHOULD BE IN D&D!  THE DEADLY SARDONIAN! Can you imagine spiking someone's salad with the Sardonian, which should probably look like some leafy green ground plant?  That would be devious!  And during a rip-snorting party and feast, who would think of poison if someone laughed and laughed and keeled over dead?  They just overdid it is all!  Right?

Right?

So here's the Sardonian plant written up for your old school game:

The DEADLY SARDONIAN

The Sardonian plant resembles rhubarb, with dark leaves and a slight hair.  Its stalks are maroon to red, warning fauna of the danger it poses to those who ingest it.  Sardonian is slightly bitter but edible, and blends nicely with edible leafy greens.  However, when eaten, the Sardonian plant (leaf, stalk or root) produces convulsive laughter ending in death!

Onset for convulsive laughter is one Round. This lasts 2-5 Rounds, during which the victim may make no action other than a half move.  Upon the conclusion of this period, he makes a Save versus Poison.  A successful save results in 1d6 damage and 1 day of discomfort (all rolls at -2).  A failed save results in death.

Assassins, apothecary, alchemists and wizards will cultivate this plant in small amounts as ingredients for their carious concoctions.  Beware eating from their gardens, for death "stalks" every plant!

(Magic Item) Requiem for the Lost

Requiem for the Lost is a backsword with a blade some 16 inches long.  It makes a fine primary weapon for a hobbit or a bandit.  A grandee could carry it hidden under a cloak to be sure but it would not do for him to carry it openly; only the common sorts of people would bear a long knife instead of a proper sword - magic or not.

Requiem is forged from a blade of bluish steel and has a handle of finely-scrimshawed frost giant bone. When found it's scabbard will appear to be in disrepair and its blade dulled but it will radiate of Divination magic.

It was forged by the mad wizard Igfaris some hundred or more years ago for his manservant, Bob Button, who was a burglar and fighting man in his own right.  Igfaris had a fixation on the color blue and a hatred of frost giants.  You would understand if you heard the tale of Sromir's Banquet. 

Count Sromir the frost giant held a banquet to mark the betrothal of his 19th daughter Blarym to the Frost Giant king Krozar, thereby insuring his own place in the royal family. But during the party, Lady Blarym broke the heart of the King Krozar and ran away! 

Sromir, quite drunk and stupid with rage, threw a tantrum the likes of which has not been seen before or since. He threw himself backward upon the floor and so spilled his giant-sized chalice of red wine upon Igfaris!  But it grew far worse.  Sromir was so drunk and so inhospitable that he slammed his giant fists down repeatedly upon the frozen outdoor ballroom floor, sending the party guests up into the air, where they flew in all directions out to several leagues distant, landing in deep snow banks where each would be safe, but quite unable to climb out on his own! To add insult to injury, he rent his codpiece and loosed his bladder in an historic torrent, the odor of which still taints the Yellow Mountain to this very day.

Igfaris returned to his tower and enchanted a blade fit for Bob to exact revenge upon Sromir and to locate the blundering dandies so scattered to the Wilderlands.  But on his way upon his mission, Bob disappeared in the hills somewhere between Longcircle and Talk'o'th'Hill; and Requiem disappeared with him.

Game Stats

Short Sword +1, +2 versus Giant-types. 1d6 base damage.  (Gains +2 to hit Giant-types if your weapons do not normally do so.)

Alignment: Neutral

Int: 7  Ego: 1 (never dominates wielder)

Telepathic communication with Wielder.  

Motivation: to kill Giant-types.

Special Abilities:

Level 1: Minor power.  The owner speaks the name of one lost person and places Requiem on the ground.  In one Turn, it will spin so that its blade points the way to the lost person so named.

Level 3: Hold Portal 3/day

Level 5: Knock Spell 1/day

Level 7: Hold Monster, works only against Giant-types, 1/day

Giant-types are the several kinds of giants including ettin, cyclopes, the titans, ogres, ogre magi and trolls. You may decide to alter or add to this list.

Actual Play Report: Mystara 1 Million Session 1

Campaign Day 1

Session 1

 

Location: The site of an ancient magic portal, in an undisclosed castle, in an undisclosed country.

 

Characters Present:

Eponymous 1 FM, Thyatian. A veteran from The War.

Nnnchanter, 1 lady Illusionist, with a weird baby human familiar.

The NPCs: 

A svirfneblin, 

a middle manager, 

a barbarianess, and 

a necromancer named Murder Man.

 

I now turn the blog over to Eponymous to give us a first-hand account of the madness.

Eponymous of Thyatia, first son of Eponymous of Thyatia.

We went through the tunnel of water.

 

It led us to a very old underground space. We heard the glorious music of Thyatian war as we coursed through the water tube, and it comforted the rest of them to hear it. For my part, I need no comfort, for I knoweth I immortals wait impatiently for me to join their ancient court.

 

The air were velvet as we breathed it in. Not pois'nous; but neither were it pleasant to the chest and humours.

 

Suddenly, a serpent set upon me. I killed the great and terrible serpent, and the woman with the weird pet child harvested its guts for some dark ritual.

Slaying the beast.

I found a map; and silver coins bossed with a forgotten king. I made dispatch the map t' the boring man to hold. At least he's good for something: the portaging of trifles!

The boring man is smart. This is how I know: he took a bride who cannot talk. It must be such a peaceful marriage. We should all take such brides to us as this!

Later, the cowardly hunchback found a false wall. I walked though and down the steps. The others followed of course. In a many-yesteryear’s-ruined flop, I discovered three very dear rings with strange inlays. Everyone was happy. They were happy to be my companions this day. What great treasure had I won, and would I share with them!

At this time I went back to the tunnel of water to bring news of my great triumph and share our new riches.

And then we drank and sang and feasted til thwere nary more to drink or sing or eat.

The water tunnel leads nowhere useful. Now they know it well. I hope they shroud it with a shroud and leave it under guard, lest wyrds from mythic underworlds swim up to the realms of Men.

 

Awards:

440 XP for each PC and retainer

200 GP to spend at the castle Mart.

Editor's Note: The other characters did stuff too. I'm certain of it. 

 

1e Level Caps

We often hear our fellows scoff at the idea that demi-man level limits are an adequate game balance force opposing the myriad advantages they get over Men, such as, well, literally everything the Elf and half-elf get. 

When you play the game with all the rules, however, Men outshine any of the lesser races, except maybe in the thief or assassin class. (In fact, you will find the greatest legendary persons of other races to all be thieves or assassins of one kind or another, even among the Lawful types.)

Limits on demi-men, chief among them class and level limits, are an implied worldbuilding element more than a game balance element (but they are partly both.)

You get demi-men, who have lots of abilities and can also progress in more than one class, with inherently more power than men at the start of their respective adventuring lives. 

However, Men catch up fast. Single-classed Men will level faster than multiclassed demi-men by one or two levels’ worth fairly quickly. Not only are Men way ahead on class abilities, but they face milder level-up restrictions in terms of class fidelity penalties and the time and money necessary to train up. 

Recall that RAW, a figure must get enough XP to attain level X, but it also must spend X weeks and X hundred GP for training each time. If the figure wishes to be most expedient, the player will have to have it cultivate relationships with trainers as he goes along. 

This means multiclassers are going to spend more resources at the critical early levels while their specialized colleagues are off in the dungeon. 

Recall further that RAW, the DM is instructed to impose XP penalties for characters who act outside their class role (or alignment.) Well, a character with two classes will have to walk a fine line to fulfill both roles cromulently. A character with three classes? The penalty is all but assured. 

(Does anyone play this way? I don’t know. The #BroSR guys say they do and who am I to doubt them?)

Level caps, again, shape the world more than they shape the party. Elfs can only get to 11th level in magic user. That means they never get 6th column spells. No Enchant an Item or Permanence. Hobbits can be Druids but not clerics. Why? 

Above Name level, what we will see across the game world is powerful high-level Men with many lower-level, but versatile, demi-man allies. (The exception again is demi-thieves, limping along, still carrying XP and class role requirements from dead classes despite accruing no more benefit from them.)

Which models Gary’s favorite pulp fiction worlds quite well. 

Eponymous, FM 3

Eponymous, son of Eponymous (see it's a little joke)

S 15

I 6

W 10

D 10

Co 16

Ch 17

Now playing in the Hommlet campaign in the LOFT project

https://discord.gg/VKxQpxHW

RPGs and Wargames

A role-playing game is a cooperative experience between two or more players, one of which is the Game Master, in which the players assume the role of an imaginary character in an improvisational game governed by a rule book similar to the wargame rules, and facilitated by the Game Master. It is mostly cooperative, where the several players face challenges brought forth by the Game Master, who also serves as referee. It can be open-ended in scope.

A wargame is played between two or more players where the initial forces and conditions are determined beforehand, and each player has his own win condition. Conflicts are resolved by an agreed-upon neutral Referee using common sense and a short rule book, available to the players. Once one player meets his win condition or all players reach a lose condition, the game is over. This may be done in one sitting or may take years, depending on win conditions, but it is finite in scope.

 

Can you think about something to add to these definitions or something that doesn't belong?

1e AD&D Race, Class and Stats

I've compiled the several race and class combinations permitted by the 1e AD&D PHB, excluding the Bard and adding the Hobbit Druid from UA, which I think makes a lot of thematic sense. 

Here is the .docx file I'm using right now for a game I'm in with OSE rules. (The DM allows way more classes and combinations than this but I'm gonna mostly stick to what Gary wrote up.)

I've thought a lot about what these specific combinations of race, class and level cap imply. I may blog them all, either in short bursts or all at once. There's a lot of implied setting here that people overlook because it's so subtle. 

In my game CROWN & VALOR I did my best to explain the reasons why the several character classes are the way they are. I'll probably give it a go for these combinations too. 

On Followers (June 2023)

At this point, I'm cribbing my home game rules directly from the 1e DMG. However, this is what CROWN & VALOR has to say on the subject. 

Here is the .docx sheet.

Hirelings, Henchmen, Specialists and Retainers

Henchmen of various types will make the PCs lives easier (and longer!) D&D is a wargame at its core, and wargames presume an entourage of troops and support figures.

The best times to look for henchmen are at Festivals, because everybody is off work and mostly feeling pretty good. Henchmen in numbers equal to 10% of the number of families (2% of total population) will be available to woo during festivals. More than this will be present, but taking a larger chunk of the workforce away is at the least poor manners and at the worst, high treason for building your own army to kill the king. 

Henchmen are paid up front, and then retained for the quarter (one season or 12 weeks) or cross-quarter (a half-season or six weeks.) This oathbound contract serves as a basis for servitude, something like a feudal oath made miniature. Your part of the bargain is not to throw them in front of a fearsome monster, and to present their remains plus 25GP to their family in the likely event of their passing on the job. 

This sort of oathbound henchman will require his pay for each delve or each week served. Retaining one without requiring service during a particular week costs you as much as if you took them into the dungeon with you. 

Some henchmen will work per diem, but anyone with a good reputation will want a six-week or twelve-week contract. 

Good pay and other rewards will ensure higher morale; poor pay will result in low morale or even refusal to continue employment by that PC. 

 

Base pay unit, either per week of idleness or per dungeon trip:

·         Linkboys, lackeys, and valets: 5 GP

·         Porters: 10 GP

·         Shieldmaidens or squires: 20 GP

·         Men-at-arms, mercenary types: 50 GP

·         Henchmen with class levels: 100 GP per level

Linkboys are lantern and torch bearers. They can be as young as 7. 

Lackeys are unskilled servants. It’s unlikely you would bring one into the dungeon. 

Valets carry personal belongings, deliver messages and run errands. 

 

Each of these is retained for 5GP per week or per dungeon trip, whichever is more favorable to the henchman. 

 

Porters and Stevedores bear heavy non-combat gear such as treasure and adventuring supplies. They are retained for 10GP per trip. There are often per diem porters available since it’s pretty good money on a day off. 

 

Shieldmaidens and squires are very brave and loyal but will not fight. They are 0-level men or their master’s racial type. A character can only have one at a time. This follower will be the first to ask to be promoted to Retainer. When this promotion occurs, they become Level 1 and will do all the things a normal adventurer would do.

 

Mercenaries are 0-level Men who otherwise function as Fighting-Men.

 

Getting a leveled character to hench for you is very difficult. Elves won’t work for dwarf characters and vice versa, and neither of them will work for a hobbit. Clerics are already henched to God, so unless you’re a cleric, it’s unlikely you can snag one. Obviously fighting men are available to hire, and every so often you get a wizard down on his luck who will cast spells for you when things get hinky. 

With good treatment, any of these types can convert to Retainers, so keep your eyes peeled for a long-term commitment. 

 

Henchmen, Hirelings, Specialists and Retainers 

 

We toss these words around as if they are interchangeable, but they’re not. Henchmen and hirelings are indeed interchangeable - they are the NPCs who work for pay and fight on the PC’s behalf. Specialists are those with skills other than fighting and dying; anyone from a seamstress to a swordsmith to a solicitor. 

None of these types ever gains XP, even if they have a class and level. 

Retainers come in three flavors:

·         Special trusted assistants to the PC with class and level who take up a Retainer slot,

·         Charmed creatures (who also take up Retainer slots) and

·         Special animal companions such as a Paladin’s war horse or wizard’s familiar. 

Retainers must be of a lower experience level or hit die than the character himself. Indeed, why would an NPC pledge his service to a lord who is as inexperienced as himself? The purpose of becoming a retainer, or follower, is to gain protection, knowledge, and reputation from the greater lord. 

 

On Retainers’ Experience Levels

 

No matter what level the PC is, the vast majority of those who will offer service will be of first level. PCs of level 4 or higher will attract 2nd or 3rd level retainers 20% of the time. (81-90 2nd, 91-00 3rd.)

PCs of level 8 or higher will attract followers up to 6th level. (01-25 1st level, 26-70 2nd level, 71-80 3rd level, 81-90 4th level, 91-97 5th level, 98-00 6th level.) 

 

Raising Up A Retainer

 

If a PC has at least one henchman of level 1 or better, and they have henched for the PC for at least one season, one henchman of the Referee’s choice may ask to become a retainer. At which point the PC may accept, converting that paid hireling into a trusted Retainer, or the PC may decline. If he declines, the henchman will make a morale check. If failed, he will leave the PC’s company immediately in shame, anger or disgust. 

Exceptions:

·         PCs with their maximum retinue will not receive such offers of servitude. 

·         Dwarfs will not pledge service to elves or hobbits. Elves will not pledge service to dwarfs or hobbits. Men may pledge service to hobbits, but it is unusual to see. Of course, each race strongly favors its own as master. 

·         A magic-user will not pledge his service to a cleric.

·         A cleric will not pledge his service to anyone except a cleric or a lawful fighting-man, dwarf or hobbit. 

·         An anticleric may pledge service to anyone, but it is usually for ulterior motives. 

·         A low-level wizard may be able to collect a minion of greater level, such as a first-level wizard with an ogre in a retainer slot. If he has a familiar at Level 1, that familiar will have more Hit Dice than the wizard (1+1 versus 1.)

Henchmen Gaining Levels

Henchmen of the normal sort never gain XP.

 

Retainers’ Compensation and XP

 

A Retainer works for a half-share of treasure. That is, each PC takes 2 shares of whatever treasure they find, and the Retainer takes 1.

 

A Retainer levels up normally just like any character. However, the Retainer will level slower because he is receiving much less XP. In the unlikely event one attains the same level as his master, he will then immediately leave to seek his own fortune; perhaps and a friend and perhaps not. 

 

Hench for No Man

 

When your PC is unable to join in the adventure, send his henchmen instead. Make one the captain of the troupe and play that one as if he was a PC proper. Allow him to earn XP at the PC rate rather than at the henchman’s customary half-rate. The other henchmen gain XP as normal, and each of them gain treasure at the henchman rate, captain included. 

This option should not be available for any hirelings your character may employ, no matter how skilled; only Retainers can be used in this way. 

Cyfandil Session 7

It's been a week since we payed so I can't remember the campaign dates - probably something like May 21-23, 998 PY. Here is the summary, written by Alyson (Age 13.) 

We started off in the inn where Bob and Nathan soon went out to find an adventure. Both men had to pay 10 GP to their underlings (Bob had to pay ⅓ of his wealth; he was not happy and expressed it thoroughly through threats of firing his henchmen) before venturing out.

 Out there, Bob met some men of the Ebon Hand by accidentally tripping and stumbling into their camp. Nathan didn’t really do anything, but it was clear the group of men were crazy and men of chaos. After saying a brisk goodbye (not a lot of conversing happened sadly) Bob and Nathan returned to the inn where they stayed the night before the next morning. 

Bob left and met up with Bailiff, asking for good areas of adventure, Nathan off eating somewhere, and was rewarded with information. According to Bailiff, taking the East Path would lead to areas full of Sprites and Goblins. Bob grew a bit curious about Sprites after Bailiff told him about them, and naturally started to wonder about pixie dust. 

In a fit of curiosity, he had grabbed Nathan and ordered the wizard to seek out his master/trainer and ask about the dust while he went and met a Wizard back in the inn. She was very old, being 74, and had a very large wart on her nose. After a bit of conversing, with the two being quite childish to each other, the Wizard ‘casted’ a spell on Bob, who in a fit of rage, left. 

Nathan, however, was doing much better. He met up with his trainer and talked with him about pixie dust, which his trainer simply told him that he would buy a pinch of pixie dust for 100 pieces of gold. After saying goodbye to his trainer, Nathan met up with Bob and the two set off down on the East Path where they met a group of clerics in white circled around a cage of Sprites. 

Nathan suggested thievery, but Bob refused. The clerics told the two adventurers about the Red Willow, which was rumored to have treasure, before returning to their circling. 

After a long trek of wandering, the two found the large weeping willow that was crimson red, like the name suggests. Near the willow was the well, and Nathan, who was quite thirsty, decided to take a little sip despite Bob’s warnings. Apparently, there was a taste of metal, and Nathan was able to identify it as gold. After casting nimbus, both of them were able to see a faint glow of gold at the bottom of the estimated 100 feet deep well, pushed to the side where it split both ways. The two decided to return to the inn before returning the next day.

When back at the well, Bob and Nathan devised a plan on how to retrieve the gold. Luckily, there were no wandering monsters nearby at the moment, so they were able to plan with some safety. They decided that Bob was going to tie a rope around him, and drop him into the well. He was going to have a dagger strapped to his belt, a bucket full of rocks in one hand and water skin full of air in the other. Bob returned not too long after successfully retrieving the treasure, dropping the bucket of rocks at the bottom before tying his rope around the treasure to be hauled up. After that, Willy, Bob’s incompetent henchman, pulled Bob up and they decided to return back to the inn to open up the chest.

After purchasing a room, the two opened the chest to reveal that it was full of great treasure– gems, platinum and jewelry! Bob and Nathan became quite rich and wealthy, and now are off training as they reached level 3 and are on the brink of level 4.

OMG he leveled without ever casting a spell (actual play)

Cyfandil Campaign session 6 (?)

Session date: 6 May 2023
Campaign days 73-75.

We’ve had a tumultuous three weeks IRL. I moved house, and then two of the four regular players (dad and daughter) are having car trouble, meaning they won’t be with us for a little while.

Willy

So today we had
Nathan, playing Nathan the Wizard (MU 1) and
Alyson, playing Bob the Recker (F1)
with henchmen
Young John the Likely Lad (lvl 0) who apparently was recovering from Covid and
Willy the Loser (lvl 0.)

Augustus

In the downtime preceding the session, Bob had gone to the enemy barony of Otter to track down a wandering priest who had a lead on a dungeon with an artifact. He got there by serving as a caravan guard for 2GP per day. Nice.

He found the wandering priest. They conspired in Lawful, and Bob learned what he needed to know. He promised to bring the artifact to the priest, and in return, Bob and his men could keep all the other loot they might find.

Having learned enough, he came back to Cragstone and then joined the rest of the party in Castle Westmarch.

When they arrived, they were less than impressed. “Castle Westmarch,” supposedly a ducal palace, was really nothing more than an armed camp behind some stone curtain walls. (I’ve decided to use the Keep from B2.)

Therein, they spoke to Bailiff, who showed them the tavern, the armorer, the provisioner and put them in touch with the priest. They talked to the taverner, picked up a rumor, and he showed them the common sleeping area where they can flop.

Nathan the Wizard inquired about the private quarters (10 GP per week) and the quality of the beef (6.5, edible.)

Bob offered to sell his elven chain +1, but he didn’t know what it was worth, and the armorer wanted 50 GP to appraise it. No dice.

So the next adventuring day (May 8,) the four of them left the castle to poke around in the hex.

That day, they found that wererats were a problem in the several towns and villages, and there was a 10 GP per head bounty on them, above and beyond any treasure the party finds. They met some town guards that had rounded up 16 of them to be hanged at dawn.

The bumped into some knights from the Order of the White Shield. One of the knights was injured so Bob used his bandages to set the broken bone.

Bob’s good deed turned a potentially deadly encounter into a very friendly one. The squad leader introduced himself as Augustus.

They encamped together and headed back to the castle at dawn.

I awarded them 400 XP for that encounter - enough to push them both over to level 2 so they will train up this week.

And it just occurs to me that Nathan the Wizard has gotten to level 2 literally doing nothing.

He hasn’t cast a spell and he hasn’t thrown a dagger. One time he ran away from a monster, so I guess that counts.

Not bad, Nathan the Wizard. Keep it up and people will soon utter your name in terror.

One-Shot Magic Items Are Good

Stray thought: to each treasure horde your players uncover and each boss monster your players defeat, roll up the treasure normally, and then add an additional random scroll. If you party has no arcane spellcaster, make it a potion instead. 

These are cheap ways to give the players a feeling of being in a magical realm, and may function as a silver bullet in their time of need. 

Also remind them that giving gifts to your followers will encourage loyalty. 

How English Has Changed from the Dark Ages until Today

 

Social class is often tied to the use of language. Using a particular sociolect and accent signals group membership; sometimes even dialects will differ between social classes.

            During the Dark Ages (up to 1066,) The common folk spoke Germanic English, heavily influenced by Danish and Viking incursions over the preceding centuries. Some sources estimate that in the middle of the 11^th century, as much as ¼ of the English had recent Viking or Danish ancestry due to war-briding and settlement. In fact, in the middle of the 8^th century, Alfred the Great of England turned away a Danish invasion that would have spelled the end of Anglo-Saxon rule on the island. English had also been influenced by Brythonic languages such as the Gaelics and Cornish, which still exist today despite English being the big fish in the British pond.

            In medieval times, the Norman Invasion was the watershed event in the evolution of English. Normans, (themselves only a few generations removed from their Viking forebears) brought their dialect of French to England. William the Conqueror, the Duke of Normandy, defeated Harold Godwinson’s mostly-mercenary army on the valor fields at Battle near Hastings on October 14, 1066. At this time, Harold had been significantly weakened militarily at Stamford Bridge in a bloody battle against Harald Hardrade of Norway and Harold’s own brother, Tostig.

            While Harold won the battle, it was Pyrrhic, destroying about 90% of his military capability. That which remained, plus whatever mercenaries he could lure in the precious weeks between the two invasions, were no match for the Norman war machine.

            Recall that military might was at this time synonymous with the right and agency to rule; the Norman nobility displaced the Anglo-Saxons. The Normans brought with them their languages and customs. Norman French became the language of the ruling class and of law, while English(es) was (were) the tongue of the common people. This is how we get pairs of words, such as beef and cattle, sheep and mutton, brace and deuce: one of each pair comes from each of the ancestors from this time.

            Over time, the languages intermingled and formed the bulk of what we know as Middle English circa 1350 and exemplified by Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales.

            Once the printing press came to England at William Caxton’s shop in London in 1476, spelling and grammar became standardized. The London Dialect overtook the Northern dialects and became the standard English of the time. There was a narrowing at this point, where the several creoles created through diaspora and contact with non-English-speaking British natives were suddenly constricted, like sand in an hourglass falling through the narrows.

            In subsequent years, through the blossoming of international trade, poetry and the performing arts in London, new words again flowed into the language after about 1550, completing the hourglass analogy. The language continues to grow, both in the fields of the several sciences and among laymen.

            In the times of Colonialism, when the White man selflessly burdened himself with the betterment of the rest of the world though knowledge, industry, trade, culture, and religion, there was both cultural and linguistic trade going on. It was in the 18^th century that Englishmen in Calcutta announced the scientific study of linguistics, when they discovered the common roots of Indian dialects and Germanic tongues in the person of Proto-Indo-European.

            And as the White man brought his bounty to the several peoples he colonized, so did he accept into English many words and ideas from the peoples of those lands. English grew at a tremendous rate. Jungle comes from Hindi. So does Pundit. Pajamas comes from Indian Muslim dialects. Indian gives us Beleaguer via Dutch traders. The now-endangered Boers of South Africa found Trek in the native tongues of the dark continent. Swastika comes from the Buddhist word for good health. Juggernaut comes from a Sanskrit word for “moving god.”

Oxbridge Takes the Reins

            In the 18^th century, the boffins at Cambridge and Oxford, having developed their own sociolect based on aristocratic language and pronunciations, dominated publishing. Their ideas about many things, including what language should look and sound like, filtered from the upper crust to the common folks, this time through literature. The King’s English, so-called, was prescriptive. That is, it was presented as and perceived to be the “correct” way to write and speak. As it happens, the “correct” way would change over time. Elizabeth I sounded similar to a country bumpkin would to our contemporary ears, rather than the effete and affected lilt of the Windsor family today.

            Throughout the late 1700s until very recently, this Prescribed Dialect of English paradigm would endure, regardless of which country and which ruling class was doing the prescribing. However, today, we are more interested in describing grammar, syntax and pronunciation in order to capture the way everyday people speak.

            Despite this change in academic and pedagogical focus, the concept of the sociolect, of an upper-class way of speaking, endures. As people are social and acutely aware of social queues, it is likely that the ruling classes will always hold some sway over the way we perceive sociolect.

The Digital Age

            And so we come to the present, which I will define as roughly 1969-, with the advent of the ARPAnet.

            Words move fast now. Written lead times are not weeks, or days, or even hours. In fact, I published an article based on this paper while I was writing it! It was that quick. With the advent of the walled-garden internet services such as AOL and CompuServe (those forerunners to TikTok and so on,) people could talk to many others from all over the world in real time via teletext. Instantly, we saw and continue to see language converge in some ways, but diverge in others. This means that there are strong sociolectic markers that can instantly differentiate between in-groups and out-groups. It means that pidgins will form very quickly. The prevalence of English on the Internet means that English learners become more numerous and in their numbers, a more powerful change agent to this new Global Online English.

            LOL, LMAO, even KYS supplant phrases and feelings. Emojis have given us a visual language unlike the highly iconographic alphabet and more like those marks which inspired the letters, at the dawn of written words. And as industrialization and relative economic advantage serve to spread wealth and technology to more and more peoples of the world, we will find English becoming both more diversified and also more powerful in terms of describing specific moods, emotions, and ideas.

            At the same time, governments throughout the world are moving quickly to impose the end of free speech online, hedging out any ideas and voices which run counter to the ruling class. There are dissident communities online, but even these will soon be either illegal or completely obliterated by a ramping up of policing and prosecution.

            Efforts to democratize and smooth out English will ultimately fail, for it is easier to destroy and undermine these intellectual prisons than it is to build them. Dissidents will stay a step ahead of the ruling class, but not without significant casualties.  

English Learners

            The greatest challenge for American, Canadian and British English is the vast number of English language learners besieging those countries’ borders. “Big Red Truck” is correct, but “Red Big Truck” is not. Why? It’s not something you can derive from a rule book; it just is.

            How do you teach a class where 20 children speak English at home, another 5 speak it at school, and 5 don’t speak it at all? What if each of those five speaks aa language different from all his fellows? It can be done, I am sure, but don’t ask me how to do it without lowering the quality of education for all of them – a huge cumulative problem we face and will face moving forward as the country becomes less European and more Global.

            Some places, even in the US, have developed creoles, or full but informal languages which incorporate two or more parent languages. As English was a creole in the 12^th century, so is French creole (from which we take the word) today in Louisiana. While creoles are legitimate languages in their own right, they can cause atomization in territories along the lines of race and culture, preventing a larger cultural synthesis which is helpful in uniting a country. In other words, Nations have a language; Empires have many languages (and creoles and pidgins), as we saw clearly with the British Empire of the 18^th and 19^th centuries.

            On the bright side, Spanish is now our second American language. Spanish has given us lots of loanwords, such as Breeze, Ranch, Guerilla, Patio, Stampede, Dogie, Macho, Cockroach, and of course Fiesta. After this, I’m going to go enjoy a cerveza and an early start on Cinco de Mayo.